IF YOU HAVE SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE SUFFERING FROM AN EATING DISORDER, THIS IS FOR YOU.

I don’t know what it’s like to be on the other side. I have friends I care deeply about who have eating disorders, but I understand what they are going through, and we can have such in-depth open conversations, or sometimes we don’t have to say anything. I see the confusion in my family and friends’ eyes. I see the pain and the frustration in their eyes from feeling hopeless in being unable to make me better, and I know they wonder why I am not better. My brother recently wrote the following statement to me, “I am not trying to use your illness against you in any way, and I never have, but the fact of the matter is it has had an effect and changed things, and you need to acknowledge that on some level for us too; it doesn’t just affect you”. The fact that it does affect everyone in your life whom you care most about is one of the most complex parts to deal with and one of the reasons I hid it for so long and still do not share my suffering as I didn’t or don’t want to worry or upset anyone. I have lost friends I thought were the type of friends you have for life. I’ve written some things I wish people knew to support me and help them, as eating disorders are heartless and very good at causing conflict and ending relationships. I first need to say that we have an illness. It is not the individual. They are an illness of the brain, a mental illness, and weight is a symptom of the disorder. Eating disorders give you a sense of control; however, they take away your power. Everybody’s eating disorder serves a different purpose; no one suffering will have the same symptoms or thoughts. Eating disorders are mental illnesses. It is not spoken about enough how they affect people on an emotional level. All the behaviours are a side effect of the disease, including WEIGHT and food. We all have an inner critic, the thoughts that tell you you shouldn’t have said that or that you don’t look good in what you’re wearing. Eating disorders are a disturbance of thoughts, which is having a war inside your head 24/7. It’s more than an inner critic. Many things you do when unwell do not align with your values. If you’re feeling confused, angry, or upset, you can beat your loved one if you are feeling that way too. It might be easy to believe that eating disorders are self-inflicted for someone who has never battled an eating disorder. However, it can’t be stated any simpler than this – eating disorders are not a choice. This harmful belief is so far from the truth no one would ever choose to develop this illness.

The fact is you cannot make the person get better. However, you can be there for them. Here are some tips to help you navigate knowing someone with an eating disorder. Thank you to the people who continue to be here for me.

1. Research the illness 2. Ask your friend/ loved one if there is anything you can do to help them. 3. Let them know you are there if they need your support. It is essential to have a safe place and people. It is nearly impossible to recover independently. 4. Be honest and communicate. 5. If your loved one or friend wants to talk about their feelings, they don’t expect you to fix how they feel. It is helpful to talk about what you are going through. 6. Look after yourself and set boundaries; your health is as important. 7. You will say the wrong thing, and that’s okay. But if your loved one tells you what you have said has upset them, learn why and don’t repeat it. 8. Still invite your friend to places; we are not aliens; send memes and have regular conversations. 9. Remember that your loved one/ friend didn’t choose this illness, and eating disorders are complex and confusing, and we don’t expect you to be able to understand what it’s like. 10. It's okay if you don't know how to help or feel confused. We struggle to understand an illness we suffer from. Don't beat yourself up, be honest. The last thing I ever wanted to do was cause my family and friends pain. People think you get help, and then you are better. Man, I wish it was that simple; it’s a wild, painful, confusing ride. The only thing we can do is wake up every morning and try. I hope if you are close to someone with an eating disorder, you can give them compassion and love. We are our worst enemies, and we don’t need more criticism from others. Knowing you’re not alone helps more than you could ever know ♥️